Bespoke Services from Local Funeral Directors in Watford | J & S Funerals
As funeral directors, we’re intimately familiar with
residents of Watford and its
surrounds visit us in its throes, and the services that we work closely alongside them to plan
and tailor to the interests of the deceased, family and friends, are ways of addressing that
grief – getting it out into the open and giving it its own space. While funerals don’t dispel or
even dilute the strength of grief that individuals feel, they are a healthy means of
communication between all those impacted by the passing.
But if you yourself aren’t directly impacted by the passing of a person, for example if a friend
or family member lost someone who you weren’t intimately familiar with, how can you be a
supportive and understanding influence? After all, it can be difficult to know exactly what to
say – often the immediate pain of losing someone can transcend language, and we struggle to find
the vocabulary to either express it or confront it. In this latest
blog from Watford funeral
directors J & S Funerals, we consider the “dos and don’ts” of expressing condolences.
While some might find it awkward, it’s important not to try and go around the subject:
acknowledgement is key. By avoiding the subject, it won’t go away, and it can’t “re-open wounds”
that haven’t, and might never heal. The next thing to ensure is that you’re sympathetic in your
approach. While rarely ever actively cruel, by coming from an overly-empathetic angle and
saying: “I understand how you feel, as a family member or friend of mine also died not too long
ago”, can trivialise grief and make it seem like you’re turning the conversation toward your own
Part of the job of our funeral directors, when planning funerals in the Watford area, is to try
and translate the unique aspects of a relationship into the service itself. It’s also important
that fellow mourners and well-wishers realise that everyone’s grief has a different quality and
a different effect on them. So “I can’t imagine how you feel”, and similar pronouncements, is
far more indicative of this.
You may have known of them, even by second hand stories, and making your condolences personal by
talking about the deceased is in almost all cases a good thing. Grief is about open
communication and thinking about the good times. Remarking on how funny or kind they sounded
from stories you’d heard, or brief interactions you’d had, feeds into this.
And don’t be afraid to ask questions, specifically regarding the impact the loss is having.
Asking how they are holding up, if they need any help, if they’re eating enough and getting
sleep, whether there are support networks in place for them, are all incredibly considerate and
powerful things to ask. In our line of work, as funeral directors for the Watford area, we’ve
seen family members and friends take the news of a love one’s with a sense of resilience and an
almost reluctance to mourn – some are just this way inclined; for others, the news hits hard.
Ensuring you keep in touch, and offer anything that might make their life easier, can be a vital
lifeline for some.
But you shouldn’t let any of these tips make it seem that the impact on your own psyche is
minimal; even if you are only partially familiar with someone who has passed away, you may be
struck harder by the events surrounding the death than you might have previously thought.
Express your sadness to other mourners, and just as you listen to their feelings – put your own
out into the open. Sharing the weight of grief can be a valid and effective means of getting
through a particularly hard time; in many ways, this encapsulates what we do as local funeral
directors in Watford.
To speak with our funeral directors and discuss what you’re looking for out of flower arrangements, or the service more generally, call the J&S Funerals teams on 01923 262939.